he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
