Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i'm inner monologue high
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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