So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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