I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
