Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize