I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
