I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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