We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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