i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
