You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
