the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
