is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
