I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize