please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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