I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
