The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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