is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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