people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
