well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
