Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
