i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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