We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
