All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
