I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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