your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
