pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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