How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
