Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
