are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
