you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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