1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize