I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
