Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
