I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i think i just lost a toe
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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