I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
