I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
