Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
