I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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