SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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