She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
