Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
