Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize