Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
