Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my poor anus
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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