is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
