how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
