I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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