Don't make out with my wife yet
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize