you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
