Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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