I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize