Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
