I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
