Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
