were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
