It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
