Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish you could order shots online.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
