my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
