You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
