I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
