Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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