I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
