Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I touched a dick in church today
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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