Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
