Ambien. No doubt about it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
